Taking A Siesta

The question I get asked the most these days is “What do you fill your day with?”. If I am not stimulated enough, I will happily fill my schedule with whatever is in front of me in order to stay busy. I once nannied full time during the day, worked full time overnight and then participated in every social activity just due to boredom. Although I managed that lifestyle for a bit, I was young and zealous. I have now come to discover that that type of lifestyle can't be maintained for long, and especially without rest. Whether we choose a fast pace style of living, or one is handed to us, we need to be aware of the ebbs and flows. To perceive when it is a time to sit still and when it is a time to go with full force.

My personality gets in the way of me finding rest. I am easily a workaholic. I live for productivity, seeing results, and I definitely do not want to be viewed as lazy. After frequent highly active jobs, I have learned the lesson of not taking a pause the hard way. I went around this mountain many, many times. I had to be broken down and in desperate need of rest before I finally understood what to do during a quiet season. Thankfully this time around I received the interpretation before I was to climb the mountain one more time.

The road of restlessness began in 2006. I gladly volunteered with friends to put on a 21 day, 24-7 music and arts festival in the mountains of North Carolina. The preparation, event and tear down took place over several months. After the festival we were encouraged by friends to rest. To take time to recuperate and refuel. Some heeded the words, others not at all and some of us tried. I will put myself in the tried category. I gave it my best effort. Unfortunately, instead of resting I found myself creating a strict unemployed schedule. Filling my day with all sorts of activities to make myself feel meaningful. Desperately trying to silence the voices of guilt for not having anything important to do. I believe if I had taken the time to unwind, I would have gained insight as to what the next season held. Foresight into what I would be doing next would have helped me to appreciate the downtime without strife.

Only weeks after the festival, some of us from the same group started planning another event. For the next 9 months we worked day and night, 7 days a week planning a stadium event for over 80,000 people. We lived in less than favourable conditions, were barely paid and gave our complete heart towards the work ahead of us. Once the event was finished, I should have recognized the pattern and remembered the advice previously given. Instead, I fell into a similar trap as before, except it was a lot worse.

It was as though I entered a self inflicted whirlwind. I had the time to take it easy but I just didn't know how to. The events I was apart of were on such a high level of intensity, that I couldn't and didn't make myself sit still. The mixture of my temperament wanting to go, go, go and not having an objective left me filling my empty holes with anything that gave me purpose. I rather aimlessly blew around, trying to find direction. Whether it be planning another event, or getting involved in a project that seemed to have determination, prospect and excitement. The past events had such meaning and expectation, that I was seeking the next high to replace it. Not resting when I had the chance, made me very ill prepared for what was ahead.

For what came next wasn't a few months of being busy, but a few years. Yes, years. I had become a Personal Service Worker for two elderly, a job that fell on my lap. Due to the nature of my job, and of course my personality, I often worked 7 days a week, from early morning until oftentimes midnight. A minimum work week would easily be 55 hours, it regularly reached 60 and 70 hours per week. Quite a few times I would end up working over 40 days in a row without a day off. My job was honourable, and I loved my clients. That still didn't mean the work load was wearing on my body and mind. This went on for 5 years, my workdays eventually averaged out to slightly normal hours towards the end.

Call me older and wiser, but when free time was once again offered, I did not turn it down. I recently moved to Norway to experience the culture, travel and work in my spare time. Well, I haven't quite found work. That can be burdensome. To enjoy life, it appears that money has the upper hand. I began to stress and worry. I handed out more resumes then I have in my entire life. I was beginning to have a stress meltdown. Beginning to.

Then, something happened. I slowed down. I sipped my latte. I took in the view. I journaled. I sat down. I people watched. I soaked up the Norwegian sun. I went for runs. I began to be thankful. I reflected. And then the revelation came to me. This is my intermission. My time of rest. My time to contemplate, and figure out what I should do next. According to my previous experiences, the next season that lies ahead of me is most likely going to be busy! The time I have right now I won't get back. I need this time to make up for all the other chances I did not use to slow down. To make up for all the lost weekends and weeknights I didn't have the past 5 years or more. My body, mind and soul needs this. I feel peace like I hadn't in a long time. I feel content and myself. Strangely enough I am not worrying about money as much as I did when I had a job. And I definitely need money more now, then I did before!

The analogy I kept seeing is one of ocean waves. They pull out and are calm, and then a new set of waves comes crashing in. Then it will be still for a while. And suddenly boom, three or four waves come in a row. Supposing you aren't prepared for those waves while you are swimming in the ocean. The waves could take you out. However, if you are rested, sure footed, and prepared you can ride the wave into shore. You will be ready to go back out for the next set.

After every busy season in our life, we are given the opportunity to recover. It is up to us whether we worry or find peace. Thoughts and feelings of strife and guilt are not healthy. I am by no means encouraging people to be lazy and not search for new opportunities, or to not take an opportunity that could be useful. I am suggesting that you take a moment, maybe a day, a week, or perhaps longer. Take that moment and reflect. Meditate on where you have come from, where you are presently and what direction you want to go towards. People always tell me, you can never get this time back. You can't get today back. In that case, I say, seize today and find the rest that you will need for tomorrow.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Taking a moment today. Sunset in Oslo, Norway.